Self-Fulfilling Prophecy and the Good People's Prayers

It was during a car ride home, late at night on a weekday, when I first heard the comment. First car in front of a red light, my friend invited my driving friend to view the traffic lights as a colorful street ornament. This ignited a small banter as my driving friend refused the proposition. In the end, the traffic light served its purpose as we drove only after it turned green.

The comment was my driving friend’s closing argument (which effectively ended the banter, by the way):

        “Yang bener disalahin, yang salah dibenerin … Indonesia banget. “

         (“The right thing is wronged, and the wrong thing is righted. That is very Indonesia.”)

Like a search engine, my memory traveled and collected glimpse of similar scene when somebody complain on a negative attitude then associate it with being Indonesian. I was not in the car anymore. I was in the cinema, at a table in a restaurant, in a meeting with government agency, all at the same time, replaying past scenes.

        “Indonesia banget deh, ga bisa ngantri. “

        “ih orang Indonesia tuh ya, jelek banget etos kerjanya.”

        “Dasar, mental orang Indonesia banget deh, “

         … And the list goes.

The comments of course, are not without bases. We are witnessing these scenes of disrespect towards order and fondness towards exception over rules everyday. When you drive to work and a motorcycle cuts you in right before your turn. When you walk past the security post without letting your bags checked. When you queue up a centre line in the ladies’ restroom and a lady pass you by and enter the just vacant loo. When you see someone litters.

Few days later, as I brushed through my old textbook of Sociology: Day to Day Life, I stumbled into this term from Robert Merton (an American sociologist), called ‘self-fulfilling prophecy”.  Its definition was: “a false definition of the situation evoking a new behavior which makes the originally false conception come true” (Merton 1968: 477).

The concept is very simple. You view A as bad. You continuously treat A as bad. People around you who see you treat A as bad, begin to see A as bad. Then A is bad, soon becomes the truth.

This thinking method seems familiar, and my mind populated The Secret, the Law of Attraction, and Quantum Ikhlas. So far, the theories make sense. Apparently, they make so much sense that many people seems to treat these perspective as revelations. I continued to read and found that some Japanese researchers found that these prophecies stimulate ‘nocebo’ effects. So when placebo effect manipulates one to think that they are getting better, ‘nocebo’ is as powerful as deteriorating one’s health.

The comments. Theories. Research. I see the link, but they still feel rather distant. Just another cognitive knowledge. 

This notion grew into a belief though, when a sharing from a very dear person of mine came to mind. He said, being told that he was a chubby kid made him feel compelled to eat as much as he thought a chubby kid would eat. Soon, he developed a rather intimate relationship with gourmet food and the world welcomed another member to Chubby 'R' Us. (This is not a sad story for he did a good job growing up). 

But now every time I hear a negative comment associated with us, being Indonesian, I hear an ‘amen’ to a bad prayer.  And I worry for I believe a prayer from a good person is often heard.

And there are just so many of them. 

                                                                                                                                                                    1 October 2001, 1.20 AM

A glimpse of Bhutan's gold pots

December 2007, I went on this short course to New Delhi, India for a Indian Embassy-funded Training Course on Sub-national Governance for two weeks. 

My fellow co-participants are not many, only ten people from Bhutan, India, Philippine, and Sri Lanka. They are all in above thirty, all married and have children. Most of them are coming from Local Government department, as this training is originally intended for civil servants, and have years of experience in executing decentralization. Being the youngest (I was only 25 years old at that time),  I was the one who had to write down the group assignments, and basically become the guinea pig of every activity. Not that I mind, though. 

Of all the fellow participants, I became particularly close with this fellow from Bhutan, Mr. Shey. From our conversations, it was obvious that the serenity of living in Bhutan had nurtured him to adhere to such value. It is a quiet place, literally and figuratively speaking. Culture is preserve and modernization is cautiously embraced. Building can not be higher than five floors because the temples should still be the tallest. Every building also has to have a hat-roof to deter from further construction. There are even no traffic lights, only policemen holding up signs of green and red to car directions. When I asked why, Mr. Shey asked me back why did I think they need it. The cars are few and the sign holders brings employment. This trivial fact was particularly made fun of by the  Sri Lankan. Wise and collected as Karate Kid's Mr. Miyagi, Mr. Shey had remained silent amidst the mocking.  "We might not have traffic lights, but we surely can carry a tune. "he said to me quietly whilst the two Sri Lankans performing song during our cultural night. It was two days after the traffic light sneers were made. I laughed so hard and realized that Mr. Shey had the last laugh indeed! What I find admirable was that the comment was only shared with me. He had no intention to return the public ridicule that he earlier received. 

The incident says a lot about Mr. Shey's character. Growing up, he had to carry buckle of water on his shoulder everyday for 20 km which teach him to be humble and appreciate luxury more than people who are accustomed to supporting system (*knock knock to Jakarta's middle to upper class). Living a life resemblance to how the monks are living, he is able to understand the real state of peace. These bound and solid composite of values were further reflected in one of his thoughts which he conveyed to  me: 

"A loving person is someone who able to say hatred is driven out by love it self. Therefore, the only way to handle anger is with compassion and the only way to handle fear is with courage. “

Few years later, as in now, I had somewhat forgotten these values, which I view as the 'gold pots' in life. The wealth we need in order to build an honest relationship with life itself. A respectful relationship to the physical realm we live in (earth, country, city, neighborhood). A mindful relationship with love and hate entailed in our social interactions. 

However, one memory on Mr. Shey that still hovers is his humility upon making plan. Every time we part after the class ended, and when we parted in our last day of workshop,  he said:  "I'll see you again, Anggie. If luck permits. " 

                                                                                                      September 8, 2011, 23.25 PM